Grey - Script

I'm looking for more feed back on my short film script Grey.

Does the story work? Is there too much voice over? Does the ending work? Any comments on story, character or nit picky stuff would be appreciated.

The screenplay was adapted from my short story of the same name. They have slightly different endings. Which do you prefer?



Grey

by Storyteller

You are not ordinary. You were born with a gift, a gift to see the mysterious life force that radiates around people like a golden halo. This strange aura is subject to change in colour according to the state of health and well being of a person. A person’s aura changes to a lighter shade when they are sick or their aura turns red when they are angry.

Because of this special ability, you are especially sensitive to other people’s feelings. Your girlfriends are always saying it’s amazing how you can tell how I'm feeling just by looking at me. From pass experience, you can tell simply by observing the colour of their aura: blue for depression, green for envy, pink for love and so on.

Despite the advantages, however, this ability is also a double-edged sword. You've developed a habit of discovering secrets that are best left unknown. For instance, you attended a friend's wedding and you could tell their marriage would not last by a simple glance at the groom’s aura, which was definitely not pink.

Although you have this ability your whole life, there are certain auras that still remain mysterious, even to you. In particular, people with grey auras. You see them time and time again. Some are young. Many are old. You see them at the supermarkets, at the movies and more commonly around hospitals. What does it mean? You don't know. Not until recently.

On a day like any other, the alarm went off early at seven. You woke up, brushed your teeth, drank coffee and listened to the morning radio. You drove to the office. There was a traffic jam. A lot of people were red with road rage.

It was a little after nine when you finally parked and walked into your building. You saw a crowd of workers getting onto the elevator. You made a run for it because you were already late for work. Someone politely held the door for you. Just before you got on, you stopped cold in your tracks. Every single person in the elevator emitted a grey aura. You were shocked to be confronted by such a sight. Slowly, you backed away.

'Well, are you getting on or not?' an impatient woman demanded.
You could not utter a reply. The crowd stared back at you as the warning bell sounded and the doors slid to a close. You watched the numbers above the elevator climb slowly to level three when you heard a loud snap, as the cables broke loose. You heard bloodcurdling screams as the elevator plunged to its doom.

From that day, you have come to realise, not only can you see other people's life force and how they are feeling, you can accurately predict when they are about to die. You have discovered the colour grey means impending death.

And that is why, for the last hour, you have been staring at yourself in the mirror. You are hoping against hope that the grey aura around you will somehow change colour.