Check out my first original story of the year, Speed Reader.
Logline:
When corporate spy specialist, Paige Seller, investigates a mysterious publishing company, she uncovers an extraordinary secret that leaves her life in danger.
This was the idea for a short film that has grown out of control into a feature length. I like the idea but I'm not sure if the execution is right. It's about half way through the first act and I just wanted some comments to see if I'm on the right track.
Feed back in any form would be appreciated. Cheers.
It’s okay so far. I didn’t notice anything glaring.
ReplyDeleteTwo things caught me though, well three actually.
1) When you described the manuscripts being stored in large cardboard boxes, I envisioned boxes for file storage. So when Paige emerged from one of the boxes, it was an odd visual to say the least. I didn’t realize the boxes were big enough for a human to fit in.
2) When Paige is following the Doctor down the hallway, you would think there would be security camera with the way the facility is set up.
3) It just seemed a bit too convenient for the Doctor to tell the guard to go take a break in order for Paige to sneak inside, unless that's apart of some plan on the doctor’s part and he is aware of Paige’s presence.
Other than that, it seems ok. You ended the sample at a good part. I’d like to see what happens next.
Thanks for the notes scribereglyph.
ReplyDelete1. Good pick up with the boxes. Perhaps I should say they're industrial size boxes, or something similar, because they're shipping an enormous amount of manuscripts. Still it would be a tight fit for a human but Paige should be lithe enough to do that.
2. I haven't thought about security cameras before. Good idea.
3. Haha I think you caught me there. I was trying to find a way for Paige to get in, but was running out of time... It is a little too convenient. I'll try to re-work that.
The project will be on ice for awhile as I develop some other projects. But I'm eager to continue it and see where it goes.
Thanks again.
LOL, I know what you mean. I have a horror spec script on ice at the moment cause I have to develop it a bit more, though I can't wait to get back to it.
ReplyDelete